Boyfriend Husband

by Liz Heywood
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This is how it all started

The Left Hand of Love

One night my boyfriend-husband and I had made dinner together, set the table, lit the candles and gave thanks for our food.  As we began to eat, my man was still holding my hand.  So without a word, I quietly began to “learn to eat with my left hand.”  Why interrupt such a sacred moment of love?  He doesn’t know it, but I am doing it more and more.  It feels right to stay “connected” to my man as we enjoy a meal together.  It’s just another tiny way to affirm our friendship that is like the table that supports our food.  It serves as a foundation to keeping all the important things “in front of us.”  As it has been said, “friendship multiplies our joy and divides our sorrow.”
“Friendship is the crown of life and the school of virtue.”
– C.S. Lewis

Real Love at Starbucks

So, it’s Valentine’s Day and we have to work. To me it’s like a “national holiday” so this is a harsh reality. So I have 2 choices, be a champ and show up and do a great job at our Open House anyway, or possibly “pout!” I decide to make it a special day because I am WITH the man I love…my Boyfriend-Husband! So after our work is done, I ask him to meet me downtown at the local Starbucks! As it turns out, Starbucks has just started a NEW program called, “Starbucks Evenings.” At select locations, they serve wine and appetizers such as goat cheese pizza and bacon-wrapped dates! Such a deal! It was one of the most fun Valentine’s Day Dates EVER! We got a patio table on the street and people-watched to our heart’s content, laughing at our good fortune that we enjoyed each other so much! So when you have to work on a special day like we did; check out your local Starbucks and have FUN anyway! As someone once said,

“REAL LOVE is often hard, inconvenient and costly; but TRUE happiness only comes to those who care about others at some cost to themselves.”

Enjoy Your Lane

Have you ever gotten on a crowded freeway and watched someone change lanes constantly trying to race everyone to the next exit?  What usually happens is that eventually everyone gets to the next exit pretty much at similar times.  All that jockeying for the superior position turns out to be a waste of time.  That’s what happens often in our own relationships with our guys.  If we, as women, allow ourselves to be dissatisfied, we can easily set ourselves up to being jealous of those around us.  This in itself is a huge waste of emotional energy because it doesn’t solve anything.  Instead, the smart girlfriend-wife looks for ways to admire her man and then tell him about it.  Respect and admiration are actual decisions.  We have a choice. We can always long for something someone else appears to have and live a life of discontent.  Or we can decide to enjoy the “lane” we are in and look for all the positives and enjoy them! The happiest couples I know purpose to live each day with their mate with love and respect. As Philip James Bailey once wrote,
“Respect is what we owe; LOVE is what we give.”

Second Chances

It’s a brand new year and Boyfriend-Husband is officially ONE YEAR STRONG!! Thinking about the fresh year ahead of us; it’s a great time to clear the slate and start anew in our relationships.  One of the best gifts we can give to our man is the gift of the “Second Chance.”  I remember a cool quote from the movie, “New Year’s Eve…”
“Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in the world we can’t control…but it’s important to remember the things that we can; like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts…Because the one thing that turns the world from a longing place to a beautiful place…is love.  Love gives us hope.”
The Oxford Thesaurus defines “second” as “extra” or “additional.”  It even implies the word, “next.” What’s “next” in your feelings towards your guy?  As C. S. Lewis reminds us, “Forgiveness sounds like a lovely thing, until you are given a reason to use it.”  Start the new year out right, give your man a second chance and start again building your love story.  Second Chances often times bring the greatest gifts!!

The Wall

As I was traveling over the holidays recently, one of our family members had to get something at the drug store.  As we came upon one in a strange city, it appeared to have steel beams surrounding it like a barricaded castle.  All the windows were taped over and there didn’t seem to be a door in sight.  Sure enough, our relative who lived nearby, jumped out of the car and said it was “Open,” although very much “Under Construction.” I just marveled at the thought because entrance and movement in and out looked  “impossible” from the outside.  That is how it is many times in our relationships with the guys we love.  It looks like we can’t possibly come to an agreement over something or maybe, our man seems to have put up a wall in front of his heart and doesn’t want to talk. Yet, LOVE always finds a way.  As someone said in the movie, “Love Actually,” “It seems to me that love is everywhere.  Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there.”  Don’t give up.  Love never does.  Love never fails.  Just know that
“Love that has been tested through various hindrances and obstacles is pure and of the Divine level.”  Anonymous
Keep climbing, keep knocking, keep trusting Love and keep believing!…Love melts the most powerful obstacles and can get through the toughest walls.

Holiday Love

Here comes the Holidays…and where goes our love??  With all the different holidays upon us with the Festival of Lights, Hanukkah, Christmas; and don’t forget birthdays and anniversaries as well; it can become overwhelming to keep the romance burning brightly! The smart Girlfriend-Wife plans ahead accordingly.  She knows that with just a wink of the eye, all the shopping will be done, the cards and packages sent out, the company and family members are already at the front door and tons of food and goodies are needing to be made.  It’s so easy to let the whirlwind of the holiday pressures just sweep you up into its crazy vortex!  HELP is on the way.  ROMANCE CAN SURVIVE  THE HOLIDAY SEASON! First decide that you are going to make loving your man a priority, no matter how many relatives are coming to town!  Next, set a date with your Boyfriend-Husband before the end of the calendar year that will just be the TWO OF YOU ALONE TOGETHER!  Depending on finances and work commitments; chose a date, a place and a budget that works for you. The important thing is that you do something SPECIAL with just the two of you.  Put a date on the calendar to go to dinner, meet for lunch, enjoy a hotel overnite or even take a hike in a beautiful setting.  As someone once said,
“The best relationship is when you can act like lovers and best friends at the same time…and remember, “Love is friendship that has caught fire.”  –Anonymous

No Pressure, No Diamonds

You know by now as the insightful Girlfriend-Wife that no relationship worth anything is easy. A good relationship takes time, effort, vision and hard work; resembling the process of the emergence of a diamond. As someone once said, “A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” It is well known that diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure below the earth’s surface over much time. Sometimes we all feel that way about trying to “do life well” with our Boyfriend-Husband. Yet good things take time. There can be chapters of great pressure and growth in any worthwhile commitment.

As Eric Thomas says,

“The next time you feel uncomfortable with the pressure in your life, remember No Pressure No Diamonds. Pressure is a part of success.”

A diamond of a relationship is an unseen beauty that will eventually dazzle the eyes and impress the world. That’s worth going after. So the next time you feel that life with your man is just too hard, remember the diamond is worth mining and worth working for.

As John Harrigan tell us,

“People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.”

Diamonds are always worth the wait!

First Mate

Falling in love with your Boyfriend-husband is like finding the Other Half to your heart. Being the Other Half is the definition of “Mate.” You truly become your man’s #1 Companion, and Helpmate. It’s like being on a ship and being the First Mate to the Captain. What does a First Mate do, you ask? Wikipedia defines the duties of a First Mate as one who is “invaluable to the Captain and to the successful running of the ship. The First Mate communicates effectively to the rest of the crew (family) is an arbitrator in disputes, maintains discipline, makes sure everyone pulls their own weight, keeps the ship (home) running smoothly, is always available to help, and creates a positive attitude with all involved.” Remember, without a good First Mate, the Captain would be lost and the ship would go down!! As Franklin P. Jones so effectively put it,

“LOVE doesn’t make the world go around,
LOVE is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

Picture from https://www.etsy.com/listing/227714050/sample-saleher-captain-his-first-mate

First Date

One of the coolest things you can do with your Boyfriend-Husband, is to focus on how far you’ve come in your relationship! Recently, my man and I went on a Special Date to celebrate our FIRST DATE ANNIVERSARY!!! My guy first asked me out for breakfast on our college campus many years ago on October 31st! So we always try and remember that incredible date in a special way. We got all dressed up and made reservations at :

THE RESTAURANT AT WENTE VINEYARDS
5050 Arroyo Rd.
Livermore, CA. 94550
(925) 456-2450
Executive Chef: Mike Ward

The restaurant has a great history and started as a family winery in 1883. You can also enjoy wine tasting nearby or even book tickets at a summer concert event under the stars. There are options to sit outside the restaurant on a star-lit patio or inside a romantically lit dining room. We found the food to be AMAZING! We especially enjoyed the pork chop and the scallops and sent our compliments to the chef, Mike Ward. Mike as worked with some of the best chefs in the country, including the Michelin-star restaurant, Picholine, in New York City. He focuses on using fresh ingredients from local sources. The entrees can be pricey, but as of today (11/15) they do take the PASSPORT CARD which rewards you with one entree for free. Check it out and let me know what you think! Enjoy your history with your man and BON APPETITE!!!

Good Queen / Bad Queen

A successful Girlfriend-Wife is like her husband’s “queen;” which Oxford defines as a “Shining Star or Leading Lady.” With everything in life, there are good queens and bad queens. Each day, a woman makes a choice as to which she will be. Just recently my man asked me a question and I have to confess, I gave him a very tart and disrespectful reply. I left the house with a sting of bad feelings in the air. Later on I called him, humbled myself and apologized. Apology accepted, no questions asked. RELIEF! History gives us plenty of insights into different types of queens and how they managed their power. One of the best examples of this happened in Ancient Persia approximately 400-500 B.C. The absolute ruler of Persia at this time was a man named King Ahasuerus. He possessed a massive kingdom that measured from India to Ethiopia. To show off his wealth, he gave a SIX MONTH LONG FEAST to all his most prominent and powerful princes. At one point, after much eating and drinking, he decided to show off his #1 Wife: Queen Vashti, in front of all of his men. Vashti means “beautiful woman.” Her physical beauty was amazing. On that fateful day, Vashti decided to refuse the King’s request and remain at her own banquet and “do her own thing.” This was of course the most disrespectful thing she could ever do. King Ahasuerus was humiliated and counseled by his advisors to dethrone her, which he immediately did. Later on, the King held a “beauty contest” to find a new queen. A young woman who had been orphaned and raised by her uncle, won the contest. Her name was Esther, which means “STAR.” Queen Esther not only demonstrated rare beauty to the eyes, but also showed the king a humble
modesty and meekness, strength under pressure with her heart. The king was instantly captivated and Queen Esther emerged as one of the wisest queens in history. As Ezra Benson once said,

“PRIDE IS CONCERNED WITH W H O IS RIGHT, HUMILITY IS CONCERNED WITH W H A T IS RIGHT.”

You decide today…which queen will you be as your Boyfriend-Husband’s Leading Lady…
“GOOD QUEEN/ BAD QUEEN.” It’s up to you.