Newly Married

Holiday Love

Here comes the Holidays…and where goes our love??  With all the different holidays upon us with the Festival of Lights, Hanukkah, Christmas; and don’t forget birthdays and anniversaries as well; it can become overwhelming to keep the romance burning brightly! The smart Girlfriend-Wife plans ahead accordingly.  She knows that with just a wink of the eye, all the shopping will be done, the cards and packages sent out, the company and family members are already at the front door and tons of food and goodies are needing to be made.  It’s so easy to let the whirlwind of the holiday pressures just sweep you up into its crazy vortex!  HELP is on the way.  ROMANCE CAN SURVIVE  THE HOLIDAY SEASON! First decide that you are going to make loving your man a priority, no matter how many relatives are coming to town!  Next, set a date with your Boyfriend-Husband before the end of the calendar year that will just be the TWO OF YOU ALONE TOGETHER!  Depending on finances and work commitments; chose a date, a place and a budget that works for you. The important thing is that you do something SPECIAL with just the two of you.  Put a date on the calendar to go to dinner, meet for lunch, enjoy a hotel overnite or even take a hike in a beautiful setting.  As someone once said,
“The best relationship is when you can act like lovers and best friends at the same time…and remember, “Love is friendship that has caught fire.”  –Anonymous

It’s Okay to not be Perfect

Being an amazing Girlfriend-Wife doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be human. The actress Lake Bell says, “to be imperfect is to be honorable.” To be human is to give your very presence here on this earth…authenticity. I’ll tell you right now, my Boyfriend-Husband doesn’t love me because he thinks I’m perfect. The other night it was my turn to make dinner after work. We had a lot of interruptions going on with our garage door repairman coming in and out. Bottom line; I burned the chicken. My guy came up to me after dinner and told me quite honestly, “Babe, I loved the asparagus and the salad. But your chicken was literally inedible.” To this remark, I simply burst out laughing! He was just trying to be honest. If I had been a new bride, I might have been devastated. However, I’m secure in who I am & I already know I am loved. My value has nothing to do with CHICKEN!! I just thought how funny it all was and it didn’t upset me in the least. It’s just LIFE!! We just try again and love each other for WHO we are, NOT for what we DO. There’s great freedom in that. As someone once said, “Failure isn’t something not working out… We only fail if we let fear rule us… If we let ourselves go unknown…unloved.”

Finding the AMAZING in the MAZE of Marriage

“She’s got gaps and I got gaps, and between the two of us, our gaps meet and we sort of fill each other in.”  –Rocky Balboa
Sometimes the girlfriend-wife is confused by her man’s gaps in his personality.  As you are getting to know your guy, it feels like you are inside a maze or an intricate network of pathways that feel like barricades that involve a lot of twisting and turning.
There’s good news and bad news…
The bad news is that finding your way through the labyrinth of your man’s heart can be confusing and hard work.
The good news is twofold:  First, what girlfriend-wife doesn’t like a challenge?? Your boyfriend-husband is like finding your way through an elaborate puzzle that requires you to use your memory and skill to get through.
A good marriage is not for the faint at heart.  Like all worthwhile things in life; it takes patience, love and determination.  As you employ these qualities, a woman can make her way successfully through the maze of her husband’s heart to the mountain top where the view is downright AMAZING!
As you discover and see things in him that just don’t make sense, chose to understand; not to judge that which mystifies you.  When you start to understand him is where the “AMAZING”  breaks through.  That point of understanding makes your heart beat faster and causes your heart to melt. When you find your way to your husband’s heart it is wonderful beyond words, astonishing, surprising, stunning and breathtaking!

It’s all how you frame it… or call it mad love!

I heard a happily married woman once say,  “The secret to a happy marriage is to treat your husband the way you did before you married him!”  I stood back and pondered those words and thought how tried and true they were.  Sometimes in the living of day-to-day with your guy, the frustrations of life can creep up on you.  All of a sudden those habits you thought were so funny or so cute when you first met, aren’t so entertaining anymore!  A woman can get down right FRUSTRATED with her guy and his way of doing or NOT doing things!  One night we was preparing a big week’s worth of food on the BBQ and you name it, it went all wrong!  Food was spilling every which way out of dishes onto the floor and the timing was off trying to get everything ready at once.  Now there are two ways of expressing exasperation to your guy. You can yell at the top of your lungs how frustrated you are.  OR…you can step back and see the BIG picture of how blessed you are to be together in this crazy life!  Nothing can ever be perfect on this earth…even though it can get close.  Why not take time to FRAME it a different way.  So I said to my man as my patience was growing ever so thin, “I’m so mad at you right now with the way things are going, but at the same time, I’m CRAZY ABOUT YOU and I LOVE YOU!”  WOW!  The look he shot back to me was priceless!  He so appreciated my perspective and we ended up with a VERY GOOD NITE after all!

The Fairy Tale part 1

Sometimes a woman wonders, “Does True Love have to be a Fantasy?”  A famous quote by Louis Ginsberg reads, “LOVE is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.”  Every woman wants that from her man! The challenge lies in keeping one’s “dream image” of how a relationship is supposed to play out, alive and based in reality…so it has “staying power.”  A young woman I know once told her boyfriend, “My prince will come and get me in my tower.” He truly loved her…so he did just that… he proposed to her on the top of Coit Tower overlooking the magical city and the San Francisco Bay at sunset.  Kingdoms fell and were created that very night!! The intelligent woman enjoys the everyday reality of living with her man and “helps” him keep a little fantasy going at the same time.  We realize that life this side of heaven cannot be perfect…but it sure can be a “slice of heaven here on earth!”  Refuse to get mad at your man for being “just a man!”  He has flaws just like you.  You might be better at hiding yours than he is.  Help your boyfriend-husband be your “Prince.” Act like a lady…hesitate at the door and let him open it for you.  Wear his favorite scent and draw him close so he can detect the lovely fragrance that is truly you.  Let him know that he is the only one you desire…and be desirable!  Take turns surprising one another with heart’s desires that are waiting to be fulfilled…and the loveliness of fantasy will continue to make your home a castle.

Lipstick on the Mirror

Okay, there is a famous saying that goes…
“We must act out passion before we can feel it.”
– Jean-Paul Sartre
If you want to invite romance into your relationship with your boyfriend-husband… act on it!  It’s called, “the old lipstick trick!”  Just take an old lipstick that you aren’t going to use any more; and SURPRISE YOUR MAN!  While he’s in the shower is always good, or maybe he’s out doing yard work. Whatever the case may be, act quickly with your crafty stick in hand, and simply write him a HOT MESSAGE of your desire for him, your love for him or HOW HOT HE IS (!) on the bathroom mirror. Yes, be super obvious about it and make sure he sees it before the room steams up!  This one little act of planting passion has HOT results! Be ready!!

How to Say, “I’m Sorry”

The girlfriend-wife is a class act.  She knows when she’s wrong and she knows when she’s right.  When she’s wrong; she is woman enough to admit it and get things right.  When she hurts her man, he retreats and closes his heart up. Even if she didn’t mean to hurt him; she is willing to own what she did do.  It’s pretty simple, but guess what?  You’ve got to let go of your pride!  OH, OUCH! What did you say??  Yes, even if you didn’t mean to offend your man, the point is he DID get hurt.  So here’s what you do… you gently take him aside and say, “I didn’t mean to hurt you; but the fact is…I did.  I take responsibility for that and I’m  sorry that I hurt you.  I love you.  Will you forgive me?”  There you have it.  Great formula and the good news it’s great for clearing the air and starting over.  Try it.  It works!