Quik Tips

The Wall

As I was traveling over the holidays recently, one of our family members had to get something at the drug store.  As we came upon one in a strange city, it appeared to have steel beams surrounding it like a barricaded castle.  All the windows were taped over and there didn’t seem to be a door in sight.  Sure enough, our relative who lived nearby, jumped out of the car and said it was “Open,” although very much “Under Construction.” I just marveled at the thought because entrance and movement in and out looked  “impossible” from the outside.  That is how it is many times in our relationships with the guys we love.  It looks like we can’t possibly come to an agreement over something or maybe, our man seems to have put up a wall in front of his heart and doesn’t want to talk. Yet, LOVE always finds a way.  As someone said in the movie, “Love Actually,” “It seems to me that love is everywhere.  Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there.”  Don’t give up.  Love never does.  Love never fails.  Just know that
“Love that has been tested through various hindrances and obstacles is pure and of the Divine level.”  Anonymous
Keep climbing, keep knocking, keep trusting Love and keep believing!…Love melts the most powerful obstacles and can get through the toughest walls.

Holiday Love

Here comes the Holidays…and where goes our love??  With all the different holidays upon us with the Festival of Lights, Hanukkah, Christmas; and don’t forget birthdays and anniversaries as well; it can become overwhelming to keep the romance burning brightly! The smart Girlfriend-Wife plans ahead accordingly.  She knows that with just a wink of the eye, all the shopping will be done, the cards and packages sent out, the company and family members are already at the front door and tons of food and goodies are needing to be made.  It’s so easy to let the whirlwind of the holiday pressures just sweep you up into its crazy vortex!  HELP is on the way.  ROMANCE CAN SURVIVE  THE HOLIDAY SEASON! First decide that you are going to make loving your man a priority, no matter how many relatives are coming to town!  Next, set a date with your Boyfriend-Husband before the end of the calendar year that will just be the TWO OF YOU ALONE TOGETHER!  Depending on finances and work commitments; chose a date, a place and a budget that works for you. The important thing is that you do something SPECIAL with just the two of you.  Put a date on the calendar to go to dinner, meet for lunch, enjoy a hotel overnite or even take a hike in a beautiful setting.  As someone once said,
“The best relationship is when you can act like lovers and best friends at the same time…and remember, “Love is friendship that has caught fire.”  –Anonymous

No Pressure, No Diamonds

You know by now as the insightful Girlfriend-Wife that no relationship worth anything is easy. A good relationship takes time, effort, vision and hard work; resembling the process of the emergence of a diamond. As someone once said, “A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” It is well known that diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure below the earth’s surface over much time. Sometimes we all feel that way about trying to “do life well” with our Boyfriend-Husband. Yet good things take time. There can be chapters of great pressure and growth in any worthwhile commitment.

As Eric Thomas says,

“The next time you feel uncomfortable with the pressure in your life, remember No Pressure No Diamonds. Pressure is a part of success.”

A diamond of a relationship is an unseen beauty that will eventually dazzle the eyes and impress the world. That’s worth going after. So the next time you feel that life with your man is just too hard, remember the diamond is worth mining and worth working for.

As John Harrigan tell us,

“People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.”

Diamonds are always worth the wait!

First Mate

Falling in love with your Boyfriend-husband is like finding the Other Half to your heart. Being the Other Half is the definition of “Mate.” You truly become your man’s #1 Companion, and Helpmate. It’s like being on a ship and being the First Mate to the Captain. What does a First Mate do, you ask? Wikipedia defines the duties of a First Mate as one who is “invaluable to the Captain and to the successful running of the ship. The First Mate communicates effectively to the rest of the crew (family) is an arbitrator in disputes, maintains discipline, makes sure everyone pulls their own weight, keeps the ship (home) running smoothly, is always available to help, and creates a positive attitude with all involved.” Remember, without a good First Mate, the Captain would be lost and the ship would go down!! As Franklin P. Jones so effectively put it,

“LOVE doesn’t make the world go around,
LOVE is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

Picture from https://www.etsy.com/listing/227714050/sample-saleher-captain-his-first-mate

It’s Okay to not be Perfect

Being an amazing Girlfriend-Wife doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be human. The actress Lake Bell says, “to be imperfect is to be honorable.” To be human is to give your very presence here on this earth…authenticity. I’ll tell you right now, my Boyfriend-Husband doesn’t love me because he thinks I’m perfect. The other night it was my turn to make dinner after work. We had a lot of interruptions going on with our garage door repairman coming in and out. Bottom line; I burned the chicken. My guy came up to me after dinner and told me quite honestly, “Babe, I loved the asparagus and the salad. But your chicken was literally inedible.” To this remark, I simply burst out laughing! He was just trying to be honest. If I had been a new bride, I might have been devastated. However, I’m secure in who I am & I already know I am loved. My value has nothing to do with CHICKEN!! I just thought how funny it all was and it didn’t upset me in the least. It’s just LIFE!! We just try again and love each other for WHO we are, NOT for what we DO. There’s great freedom in that. As someone once said, “Failure isn’t something not working out… We only fail if we let fear rule us… If we let ourselves go unknown…unloved.”

Good Wife, Good Fight!

In any good relationship, it is important to fight “well!”  WHAT, you say?  Yes, great love stories always involve conflict.  So if you want to keep growing and knowing well your boyfriend-husband, you need to be able to communicate the hard things without destroying the love and trust you have built.  As the great columnist Ann Landers once said, “All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love.  Good battle is objective and honest— never vicious or cruel.  Good  battle is healthy and constructive and brings to a marriage the principle of EQUAL PARTNERSHIP.”  The key to fighting well is to understand that you and your man ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!  Know that as you disagree on topics, both big and small; your mate is NOT your Adversary…your mate is your ADVOCATE, as you are his! This is a huge part of getting through a conflict and being capable of ending up on solid ground…TOGETHER.  In marriage, it’s not about WHO will win the argument. It’s about sharing and talking out each person’s opinion and feelings until an agreement is reached or a conclusion is respected.  Yes, you and your guy can AGREE TO DISAGREE!  That’s totally okay.  It’s more interesting anyway.  As long as you both decide that in any conflict…we either BOTH lose or we BOTH WIN!! Love matters most.

The Lover’s Stroll

I know we all like/try to exercise!  Physical accomplishments with jogging, running, hiking are all the rage in our fast-paced culture.  However, as Gwyn Thomas reminds us, “But the beauty is in the walking…we are betrayed by destinations.”  How about taking a stroll with your boyfriend-husband once in a while?  To stroll is to meander, to roam or to wander.  Some of our best talks or problem-solving have occured when my man and I go for a “stroll” together.  It seems when we are most relaxed and are not trying to get a certain number of miles accomplished; we tend to do our best “talking” and sharing of the heart.  We like to go out into a “world where (one) is free to think:  walking articulates both physical and mental freedom,” recommends Rebecca Solnit.  It seems as though we almost receive a “gift” after such a stroll with no particular goal in mind. As a couple who is slammed with a lot of “have to’s” with our jobs; it is a rare jewel to have a “meeting of the mind and heart” with no other distractions around us.  All of sudden, it’s just “us” in the world…together…like it was when we started to know each other and fall in love.  Nothing else matters.  As our overloaded minds start to clear, we engage in meaningful conversation that bonds us even deeper.  Taking a Lover’s Stroll is just another way to experience our love for one another.  As Jarod Kintz once stated, “Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”

Riding Tandem

I have found that a successful marriage is kind of like riding a tandem bike!  Marriage can be compared to a bicycle-built-for-two.  It takes two riders; one behind the other.  The word, “tandem” is defined as “together at the same time.”  In other languages “tandem” is a pair or means the chemistry of two people.  My boyfriend-husband and I rented a tandem bike in Golden Gate Park once in San Francisco.  My guy is about a foot taller than me and rode in the front…with me, primarily screaming all the way in the back!  My man loves to go fast in anything that moves and enjoys taking risks…me, not so much!  It was a fun adventure to say the least and I basically laughed and screamed the whole entire time!  Recently I ran into a woman who rode a tandem bike through-out Europe.  She said her tour guide’s one rule was, “Always listen to the captain,” the person riding in front.  Great advice if you want to get where you are going in one piece.  It’s like a famous quote I once heard, “Victory is about self…unity is about relationship.”

The Heart Matters

Someone once said, “The heart matters in the matters of the heart.”  If your heart isn’t fully into your man…your best intentions will crumble.  At the heart of every woman is the desire to have an amazing relationship.  We all strive after affection, understanding, and intimacy.  If your heart is out of whack…or backed up on old resentments, unforgiveness or regrets…it won’t be capable of truly connecting with your Boyfriend-Husband! Give yourself a HEART CHECK from time to time.  Stay current with your feelings so that your love can flow freely.  It has been said that “the heart is the center of the  universe.” A wise king once commented, “Guard your heart, for out of it flows the wellspring of life.”  Yes, the heart matters.  Use it, keep it well oiled  and running properly with love, and you will be better equipped to reach the heart of your man!

I Whisper Your Name

“Speak low if you speak love…” a knowing quote by D. Pedro.  The powerful girlfriend-wife knows the power of quiet talk.  One only whispers to someone they love.  They don’t whisper when they are contending with an enemy.  Take time and lower your voice. A whisper is defined as “speaking softly as a confidante and as a close friend.  A whisper can communicate endearment with a breath.”  The goal of any amazing  relationship is INTIMACY.  A wise person once said, “Intimacy means ‘INTO ME YOU SEE.'”  Give your man the breath of your deepest thoughts.  Lean in and whisper your love for him while you are having dinner.  Whisper to him in bed.  Whisper to your boyfriend-husband as you are leaving for the day.  Let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he is the MOST important person on the planet!  Speak softly and leave a trace of power with your love.