The Seasoned Marriage

Good Queen / Bad Queen

A successful Girlfriend-Wife is like her husband’s “queen;” which Oxford defines as a “Shining Star or Leading Lady.” With everything in life, there are good queens and bad queens. Each day, a woman makes a choice as to which she will be. Just recently my man asked me a question and I have to confess, I gave him a very tart and disrespectful reply. I left the house with a sting of bad feelings in the air. Later on I called him, humbled myself and apologized. Apology accepted, no questions asked. RELIEF! History gives us plenty of insights into different types of queens and how they managed their power. One of the best examples of this happened in Ancient Persia approximately 400-500 B.C. The absolute ruler of Persia at this time was a man named King Ahasuerus. He possessed a massive kingdom that measured from India to Ethiopia. To show off his wealth, he gave a SIX MONTH LONG FEAST to all his most prominent and powerful princes. At one point, after much eating and drinking, he decided to show off his #1 Wife: Queen Vashti, in front of all of his men. Vashti means “beautiful woman.” Her physical beauty was amazing. On that fateful day, Vashti decided to refuse the King’s request and remain at her own banquet and “do her own thing.” This was of course the most disrespectful thing she could ever do. King Ahasuerus was humiliated and counseled by his advisors to dethrone her, which he immediately did. Later on, the King held a “beauty contest” to find a new queen. A young woman who had been orphaned and raised by her uncle, won the contest. Her name was Esther, which means “STAR.” Queen Esther not only demonstrated rare beauty to the eyes, but also showed the king a humble
modesty and meekness, strength under pressure with her heart. The king was instantly captivated and Queen Esther emerged as one of the wisest queens in history. As Ezra Benson once said,


You decide today…which queen will you be as your Boyfriend-Husband’s Leading Lady…
“GOOD QUEEN/ BAD QUEEN.” It’s up to you.

My Boyfriend-Husband’s Black Boots

A few years ago, my husband and I were driving over to go have dinner at our friends’ house across town. As we were on our way, my guy noticed a man walking beside the road. The man looked very determined as he made his way by the roadside; like he had an important goal in mind. The only thing that was weird was the man wasn’t wearing any shoes. It was beginning to get dark and cold as night was falling. My man was very concerned that this man we saw didn’t have any shoes. He immediately stopped the car and got out to talk to the man. As I watched from the car, I witnessed an amazing thing happen. My man began to take off his own boots and socks and give them to the stranger. I have to admit I was shocked as I had saved and shopped to give these particular awesome boots to my man for Christmas. He LOVED these boots! This stranger it turned out was a homeless man set on walking from our city to Sacramento; 100 miles away! I’m glad I didn’t protest this spontaneous act of charity on my man’s part. It probably was the best thing he could ever do, to just share what he had with a man who had nothing. It made me admire my man even more for the compassion he showed. No matter that he showed up to a special dinner in his bare feet! I decided to forget all the shopping and saving and to experience the honor of a man doing the right thing. Let us as women encourage our men to be better and to think of others before themselves. We’ll all benefit from such acts of charity and our own relationships will become richer for it.


“LOVE is a borderless country
Made for those who won’t stop running
A place with no citizens
But refugees are welcome.”

NJ Heywood

My Fourth Husband

The girlfriend-wife has access to “many” husbands! It just depends on the day and if things are going well or not with your man. Since my man and I have been married for a while now; if he acts immature at a given moment; I tell him that he reminds me of “my first husband!” See, we have a little inside joke between us that we have definitely grown up together over the years! Now, my “first” husband would be referring to when my man was in his early twenties and we were first married. We both acted childish back in those days and each even had their very own “tantrums” when we couldn’t get our own way. However, the girlfriend-wife is all about building up her man, so I tell my guy when he’s doing things right in our relationship that he reminds me of “my FOURTH HUSBAND!” Now, the Fourth Husband is still the same guy only he’s really grown up over the years and has become so much more considerate of my needs! Now HE was worth waiting for!! My guy hit a “homerun” with me this past Mother’s Day with cards, meals, and thoughtful gifts. I was really quite touched and he saw that and was “pleased as punch” as they say. Like a good girlfriend-wife I was affirming him for giving me such a great day. He then said to me, “I must have surpassed the last guy and I must remind you of your “Fifth Husband!” Deeply smiling, I had to agree!!


Here’s a novel thought…the girlfriend-wife looks up to her man as her HERO!! I have found that as I have referred to my man as my “hero” in front of him and in front of others; he actually steps into the role gladly and acts like one! You can silence those around you who criticize your guy by calling him your “hero!”  All of sudden the room gets real quiet because you have established a reality about your man.  What is a hero, you ask?  A HERO is a “man of courage, a shining example, a brave man of ideal behavior… (your) leading man!”  My man became my personal hero early on in our marriage. He stood up for my mom who was suffering from a surgery gone bad and was not getting adequate care at the hospital.  Without my asking him, my guy made an appointment with the Head of Surgery and brought along a yellow legal pad with set demands for her best care.  He spoke to the Head Surgeon very directly with respect and told him he wasn’t leaving his office until all the demands for my mom were met.  What a day!!! I received TWO gifts in my life that day.  My mom got well from her improved medical care and I got a HERO in my man!! “True heroism is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever the cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever the cost. –Arthur Ashe