Thoughts (Advice)

Be the Oasis

Everybody’s talking about the big drought going on around where we live.  Water is becoming a precious commodity.  People who live in arid climates or desert environments just live for the moment that they come to an Oasis.  An Oasis is a watering place in a dry land where the area becomes starkly different from what is the norm surrounding it.  With miles of desert around you, here at the oasis is a lush, green, shaded spot where refreshment can be taken in.  In a healthy, beautiful relationship, the girlfriend-wife can seek to become an Oasis for her man.  She can purpose to be an Oasis from the noise and the stress of the outside world.  As a smart woman who values her guy, you can decide to become your husband’s Oasis by creating a refuge of safety, a haven, and his very own hideaway with your actions.  You can be delighted to see him, you can create a pleasurable environment when he comes home, you can make sure you smell good and you look good and present him a peaceful contenance.  You can be his guardian angel to bring him comfort…for as Louise Nevelson says, “true strength is delicate.”  I met a woman recently who when her husband entered the room, he just lit up when he saw her!  She definitely has communicated to him that she is a safe place, an oasis where he can’t wait to hang out in.  When my children were small, I would set the timer 30 minutes before my husband got home and fixed up my appearance, sprayed on some fresh perfume and got the kids to pitch in and straighten the place up.  It was always a BIG DEAL when my man came home and we all rushed to greet him.  Make your guy want to come home and be his personal Oasis!  As K. Sunde once said,
“to love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.”

Hidden Treasure

Not everyone sees your man the way you do. SHOCKER!! I know! When I first brought my boyfriend, now husband home to MEET THE PARENTS, I was hoping that they would see the INCREDIBLE MAN that I saw. In reality, what they saw with their wise, older eyes, was a young man with long hair who just wanted to date their daughter! Yet, my parents also knew what was in my man’s heart was what really mattered. As Evander Holyfield once said, “It is not the size of the man, but the size of his heart that matters.” My guy went on to prove to my parents that he indeed had a GREAT HEART, full of generosity and compassion and became their most trusted ally and a friend for all seasons. You might have a great guy that others just don’t see. If he is worthy of your trust; BELIEVE IN HIM. His value might be invisible or unrevealed to others. The best thing you can do to help his true treasure to become visible, is to consider your boyfriend-husband a PRIZE, A JEWEL IN YOUR CROWN, and your very own MASTERPIECE. As you treat him as a treasure; he will begin to live up to your praise, and start to astound you with the DEEP GOLD that’s buried within him!

Double Date… Double Shake!

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love.  Women…like to be a man’s last romance.” –Oscar Wilde
Why go on a double date with your man you ask?? It’s always good to keep your date nite active with your man.  If you’d like to shake things up a little bit; set up a double date with another couple that you both enjoy.  The purpose of the double date is to ENRICH YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP. Be intentional and get cool ideas from your friends as to places, sports and restaurants they have tried and liked to add to your own list.  My guy and I are always interviewing other couples as to where they go to have a great date!  We like to get ideas to try on our own and share what places and activities have been especially fun for us.  Another reason to go on a double date once in a while is to make your own Love Story richer.  We like to find out how other couple’s have met and fallen in love.  There is nothing better than to “collect” Love Stories!!!  It encourages your own story when you are reminded how unlimited LOVE can be in how hearts actually meet their other half.  A double date is not a time to compare but to laugh and add variety to your experience.  Be a smart Girlfriend-Wife and dress for your man and make him shine in front of the other couple.  Bocce Ball anyone??

Esteem… What do you mean

Here’s an interesting question for the Girlfriend-Wife.  Do you ESTEEM your man?? The Oxford Thesaurus defines “Esteem” as to “admire, appreciate, PRIZE, regard and to respect.  A man is literally designed to blossom and grow and mature from respect. It’s how he’s wired.  A woman who does not respect her man loses a great battle. A man actually becomes a Boyfriend-Husband when his woman admires him, honors him, looks up to him, appreciates him, loves him, cherishes him and treasures him. That is one blessed man who has married a wise woman!!  These very things give a  man the opportunity and encouragement to become all that he was meant and designed to be.  Ladies…start this important process by the words you choose when speaking to or about your man.  Lift him up with your words.  Encourage him to be better by your actions.  Think of ways to honor him.  I remember there was a painting that my husband really admired.  I secretly saved up for it and selected a special day to give it to him.  I thought I would wait until his best friend came into town so I could honor the man I loved in front of someone who was important to him.  So I set the stage and had both our sons present along with my man’s best friend and I unveiled the painting.  I spoke words of honor to my man to show his audience just how much he meant to me.  It was a night to remember. My Boyfriend-Husband never stopped thanking me for making him feel so incredibly esteemed!  The gesture ran deep and brought forth endless rewards! As the ancient proverb 14:22 reminds us, “If you plot evil, you will be lost; but if you plan GOOD, you will be granted unfailing LOVE and FAITHFULNESS.”

Material Girl

A woman unsatisfied must have luxuries.  But a woman who loves a man would sleep on a board.” D.H. Lawrence… Money is a funny thing.  If you are surrounded by wealth, it seems like enough is never enough because someone always has more than you.  If you are surrounded by poverty, little things become priceless. The Girlfriend-Wife must check her heart and her attitude towards her guy. Does she make her man feel like he doesn’t give her enough or make enough money?  A man who doesn’t feel he or his paycheck is adequate for his woman’s desires; will eventually put up a wall. If you want to be close to your man and be his confidante, ask yourself how your monetary desires come across to him.  What messages are you sending him? Does he feel you compare him with others? The antidote lies in an ancient piece of wisdom written to the Colossian people.  It reads,
“…the most important piece of clothing you must wear is LOVE…LOVE is more important than anything else…(it brings perfect harmony)…live in PEACE and ALWAYS Be Thankful.”(Col. 3:14 & 15)

Truth or Dare

Sometimes we wonder about how hard it is to tell the truth.  We allow our best friend to tell us the hard things, but maybe not our man!  My guy is a truth-teller because he is wired to be an exhorter.  I always know he will keep me in reality and tell me how things REALLY are; whether I want to hear it or not.  It’s interesting to me that an ancient proverb says, “Iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.”  Practically speaking, when one is trying to sharpen a knife, two knives which are in a contrary movement to each other, will actually dull and damage one another.  When the same two knives are placed in a parallel movement with each other; they can actually IMPROVE one another and become better.  TRUTH is made up of accuracy, fact and correctness.  TRUTH also consists of sincerity and honor.  The Girlfriend-Wife receives the truth from her man and rejoices that in it, he is a man of honor.  She helps him stay sincere and encourages his integrity.  Hey you girlfriends out there!  Be brave to embrace the truth from your guy and accept it with humility.  Then when it’s your turn to deliver a hard-to-receive message to your man, he will be more receptive and give you a Hearing Heart…not a defensive one!

Adventure Love

We love because it’s the only true adventure.  – Nikki Giovanni
Indulge in your man!  Interview your guy and find out what are his go-to or  favorite or even, dream adventures?!  My guy wanted to para-glide in Hawaii so he went up with a couple of guys and since I’m a “Terra Firma” kind of gal; I took shots with the camera to make a memory.  Your man might like to hike the high hills overlooking a lake or even a mountain, you might like to jet ski!  Take turns opening the world of ADVENTURE for each other and just DO IT!!  You’ve got to make time and plan usually so decide this is a priority to keep the excitement going. Boyfriend-husband will love you for it!  YES!  GO!!  HAVE FUN!!!

Shoulder to Shoulder …Unity

WOW! When souls are united; kingdoms fall!!  There is such power in UNITY. By its very definition, being united with your man involves cooperation, being like minded, being in agreement and unison..a total oneness. You can accomplish so much more in life if you decide not to compete but to COMPLETE YOUR MAN.  Another great way to put it, is to be “in concert with one another…” shoulder to shoulder, side by side.  A united couple is a powerful couple.  They don’t waste time fighting over the little things.  They accept each other’s uniquenesses, and glory in one another’s strengths.  A famous king once wrote in Ecclesiastes that, “Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their work.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.  But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble.  A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.” Purpose to stay united with your man!  Miracles can happen if you do!!

His People; Your people… YES!

Guess what?!  Your boyfriend-husband comes usually not completely solo; but as a “cluster.”  What does that mean?  It simply tells you that when you fall in love with your man, he comes with “people.”  His people are his family, and those who have influenced him. The smart girlfriend-wife takes her man and receives his family as her own.  When I “adopted” my man’s family, it turned out to be one of the greatest gifts to myself!  I’m not saying it’s always been a “bed of roses.”  There have been thorns and challenges over the years. I found that one of the greatest ways to show LOVE and ACCEPTANCE for my man, has been to honor his family.  Good or bad; they are a part of him.  It’s another layer of giving to him and our relationship.  It makes it richer and deeper.  I honor my man by taking time for his family, by remembering them on special occasions, by thanking them with a call or a card, by cooking for them, hiking with them or giving them gifts.  The coolest part happens when I think to do it without being asked.  My man gets a big smile on his face and his heart just lights up!  He feels my love.  My friend, Ruth, had one of the most amazing
love stories in history!  She met the love of her life after honoring her former mother-in-law. Her proclamation of love has gone down in history and is quoted in marriage ceremonies… “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back.  I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live.  Your people will be my people.”  Take her example and build your love story, too!

True Love

Every woman wants to know if her relationship is the real thing.  The girlfriend-wife desires to treat her man as her lasting love.  I heard it said once that, “A great love knows the ignition of FIRE and the deep well of PEACE.  Yours is such a love…a love to last the ages.”  We all want to invest in a love that will last forever.  How does one sustain such a love?  If you hunger for such a love; then it is wise to STUDY LOVE. Love is part of a family that includes the components of faith and hope.  In a letter
to some city dwellers in Corinth, it has been said, “And so faith, hope and love abide- but the greatest of these is love.”  Love is tough.  Love never breaks.  That is the kind of love you want to encourage in your man and have as a foundation for your relationship.  An ancient wise saying tells us that, “Many waters cannot quench love- neither can floods drown it.”  When I have a disagreement or falling out with my man, I always tell him, “Even though I don’t agree with you right now, I love you.”  It is a good thing to declare and affirm that which you see as “forever.”  It keeps your relationship on solid ground so it can grow in a safe environment.  The good news is that you can’t go wrong with choosing LOVE.  Love always prevails. Love always wins. “LOVE NEVER FAILS.”