First Date

One of the coolest things you can do with your Boyfriend-Husband, is to focus on how far you’ve come in your relationship! Recently, my man and I went on a Special Date to celebrate our FIRST DATE ANNIVERSARY!!! My guy first asked me out for breakfast on our college campus many years ago on October 31st! So we always try and remember that incredible date in a special way. We got all dressed up and made reservations at :

5050 Arroyo Rd.
Livermore, CA. 94550
(925) 456-2450
Executive Chef: Mike Ward

The restaurant has a great history and started as a family winery in 1883. You can also enjoy wine tasting nearby or even book tickets at a summer concert event under the stars. There are options to sit outside the restaurant on a star-lit patio or inside a romantically lit dining room. We found the food to be AMAZING! We especially enjoyed the pork chop and the scallops and sent our compliments to the chef, Mike Ward. Mike as worked with some of the best chefs in the country, including the Michelin-star restaurant, Picholine, in New York City. He focuses on using fresh ingredients from local sources. The entrees can be pricey, but as of today (11/15) they do take the PASSPORT CARD which rewards you with one entree for free. Check it out and let me know what you think! Enjoy your history with your man and BON APPETITE!!!

Good Queen / Bad Queen

A successful Girlfriend-Wife is like her husband’s “queen;” which Oxford defines as a “Shining Star or Leading Lady.” With everything in life, there are good queens and bad queens. Each day, a woman makes a choice as to which she will be. Just recently my man asked me a question and I have to confess, I gave him a very tart and disrespectful reply. I left the house with a sting of bad feelings in the air. Later on I called him, humbled myself and apologized. Apology accepted, no questions asked. RELIEF! History gives us plenty of insights into different types of queens and how they managed their power. One of the best examples of this happened in Ancient Persia approximately 400-500 B.C. The absolute ruler of Persia at this time was a man named King Ahasuerus. He possessed a massive kingdom that measured from India to Ethiopia. To show off his wealth, he gave a SIX MONTH LONG FEAST to all his most prominent and powerful princes. At one point, after much eating and drinking, he decided to show off his #1 Wife: Queen Vashti, in front of all of his men. Vashti means “beautiful woman.” Her physical beauty was amazing. On that fateful day, Vashti decided to refuse the King’s request and remain at her own banquet and “do her own thing.” This was of course the most disrespectful thing she could ever do. King Ahasuerus was humiliated and counseled by his advisors to dethrone her, which he immediately did. Later on, the King held a “beauty contest” to find a new queen. A young woman who had been orphaned and raised by her uncle, won the contest. Her name was Esther, which means “STAR.” Queen Esther not only demonstrated rare beauty to the eyes, but also showed the king a humble
modesty and meekness, strength under pressure with her heart. The king was instantly captivated and Queen Esther emerged as one of the wisest queens in history. As Ezra Benson once said,


You decide today…which queen will you be as your Boyfriend-Husband’s Leading Lady…
“GOOD QUEEN/ BAD QUEEN.” It’s up to you.

My Boyfriend-Husband’s Black Boots

A few years ago, my husband and I were driving over to go have dinner at our friends’ house across town. As we were on our way, my guy noticed a man walking beside the road. The man looked very determined as he made his way by the roadside; like he had an important goal in mind. The only thing that was weird was the man wasn’t wearing any shoes. It was beginning to get dark and cold as night was falling. My man was very concerned that this man we saw didn’t have any shoes. He immediately stopped the car and got out to talk to the man. As I watched from the car, I witnessed an amazing thing happen. My man began to take off his own boots and socks and give them to the stranger. I have to admit I was shocked as I had saved and shopped to give these particular awesome boots to my man for Christmas. He LOVED these boots! This stranger it turned out was a homeless man set on walking from our city to Sacramento; 100 miles away! I’m glad I didn’t protest this spontaneous act of charity on my man’s part. It probably was the best thing he could ever do, to just share what he had with a man who had nothing. It made me admire my man even more for the compassion he showed. No matter that he showed up to a special dinner in his bare feet! I decided to forget all the shopping and saving and to experience the honor of a man doing the right thing. Let us as women encourage our men to be better and to think of others before themselves. We’ll all benefit from such acts of charity and our own relationships will become richer for it.


“LOVE is a borderless country
Made for those who won’t stop running
A place with no citizens
But refugees are welcome.”

NJ Heywood

It’s Okay to not be Perfect

Being an amazing Girlfriend-Wife doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be human. The actress Lake Bell says, “to be imperfect is to be honorable.” To be human is to give your very presence here on this earth…authenticity. I’ll tell you right now, my Boyfriend-Husband doesn’t love me because he thinks I’m perfect. The other night it was my turn to make dinner after work. We had a lot of interruptions going on with our garage door repairman coming in and out. Bottom line; I burned the chicken. My guy came up to me after dinner and told me quite honestly, “Babe, I loved the asparagus and the salad. But your chicken was literally inedible.” To this remark, I simply burst out laughing! He was just trying to be honest. If I had been a new bride, I might have been devastated. However, I’m secure in who I am & I already know I am loved. My value has nothing to do with CHICKEN!! I just thought how funny it all was and it didn’t upset me in the least. It’s just LIFE!! We just try again and love each other for WHO we are, NOT for what we DO. There’s great freedom in that. As someone once said, “Failure isn’t something not working out… We only fail if we let fear rule us… If we let ourselves go unknown…unloved.”

Good Wife, Good Fight!

In any good relationship, it is important to fight “well!”  WHAT, you say?  Yes, great love stories always involve conflict.  So if you want to keep growing and knowing well your boyfriend-husband, you need to be able to communicate the hard things without destroying the love and trust you have built.  As the great columnist Ann Landers once said, “All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love.  Good battle is objective and honest— never vicious or cruel.  Good  battle is healthy and constructive and brings to a marriage the principle of EQUAL PARTNERSHIP.”  The key to fighting well is to understand that you and your man ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!  Know that as you disagree on topics, both big and small; your mate is NOT your Adversary…your mate is your ADVOCATE, as you are his! This is a huge part of getting through a conflict and being capable of ending up on solid ground…TOGETHER.  In marriage, it’s not about WHO will win the argument. It’s about sharing and talking out each person’s opinion and feelings until an agreement is reached or a conclusion is respected.  Yes, you and your guy can AGREE TO DISAGREE!  That’s totally okay.  It’s more interesting anyway.  As long as you both decide that in any conflict…we either BOTH lose or we BOTH WIN!! Love matters most.

The Lover’s Stroll

I know we all like/try to exercise!  Physical accomplishments with jogging, running, hiking are all the rage in our fast-paced culture.  However, as Gwyn Thomas reminds us, “But the beauty is in the walking…we are betrayed by destinations.”  How about taking a stroll with your boyfriend-husband once in a while?  To stroll is to meander, to roam or to wander.  Some of our best talks or problem-solving have occured when my man and I go for a “stroll” together.  It seems when we are most relaxed and are not trying to get a certain number of miles accomplished; we tend to do our best “talking” and sharing of the heart.  We like to go out into a “world where (one) is free to think:  walking articulates both physical and mental freedom,” recommends Rebecca Solnit.  It seems as though we almost receive a “gift” after such a stroll with no particular goal in mind. As a couple who is slammed with a lot of “have to’s” with our jobs; it is a rare jewel to have a “meeting of the mind and heart” with no other distractions around us.  All of sudden, it’s just “us” in the world…together…like it was when we started to know each other and fall in love.  Nothing else matters.  As our overloaded minds start to clear, we engage in meaningful conversation that bonds us even deeper.  Taking a Lover’s Stroll is just another way to experience our love for one another.  As Jarod Kintz once stated, “Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”

Finding the AMAZING in the MAZE of Marriage

“She’s got gaps and I got gaps, and between the two of us, our gaps meet and we sort of fill each other in.”  –Rocky Balboa
Sometimes the girlfriend-wife is confused by her man’s gaps in his personality.  As you are getting to know your guy, it feels like you are inside a maze or an intricate network of pathways that feel like barricades that involve a lot of twisting and turning.
There’s good news and bad news…
The bad news is that finding your way through the labyrinth of your man’s heart can be confusing and hard work.
The good news is twofold:  First, what girlfriend-wife doesn’t like a challenge?? Your boyfriend-husband is like finding your way through an elaborate puzzle that requires you to use your memory and skill to get through.
A good marriage is not for the faint at heart.  Like all worthwhile things in life; it takes patience, love and determination.  As you employ these qualities, a woman can make her way successfully through the maze of her husband’s heart to the mountain top where the view is downright AMAZING!
As you discover and see things in him that just don’t make sense, chose to understand; not to judge that which mystifies you.  When you start to understand him is where the “AMAZING”  breaks through.  That point of understanding makes your heart beat faster and causes your heart to melt. When you find your way to your husband’s heart it is wonderful beyond words, astonishing, surprising, stunning and breathtaking!

Riding Tandem

I have found that a successful marriage is kind of like riding a tandem bike!  Marriage can be compared to a bicycle-built-for-two.  It takes two riders; one behind the other.  The word, “tandem” is defined as “together at the same time.”  In other languages “tandem” is a pair or means the chemistry of two people.  My boyfriend-husband and I rented a tandem bike in Golden Gate Park once in San Francisco.  My guy is about a foot taller than me and rode in the front…with me, primarily screaming all the way in the back!  My man loves to go fast in anything that moves and enjoys taking risks…me, not so much!  It was a fun adventure to say the least and I basically laughed and screamed the whole entire time!  Recently I ran into a woman who rode a tandem bike through-out Europe.  She said her tour guide’s one rule was, “Always listen to the captain,” the person riding in front.  Great advice if you want to get where you are going in one piece.  It’s like a famous quote I once heard, “Victory is about self…unity is about relationship.”

Use the Giraffe Idea… It Works!

I attended a beautiful wedding in a park last summer.  My niece looked amazing as she gave her vows to her man.  Between them on their little marriage table sat a stuffed giraffe.  Curious to those of us watching yet made so much sense in the end.  Skilled at “Conflict Resolution,” this dedicated couple used the symbol of the GIRAFFE to solve their challenges.  If you google “Giraffe” you will discover that it is the tallest land animal.  What makes it unique is its NECK and its HEART.  A giraffe’s neck is 6-feet tall (272 kilograms, weighing in at about 600 pounds).  The heart of a giraffe is 2 feet (0.6 meters) long and weighs approximately 25 pounds.  In a healthy relationship, a smart girlfriend-wife needs her neck AND her heart.  Like the giraffe, she needs to “stick her neck out” and take the risk of letting her guy know how she REALLY feels.  Men tend to live in a world of logic so they respect honesty.  As John Mayer sings in his song, “Say what you need to say.”  A woman also needs to excerise her heart and care enough to CONNECT with her man.  Girlfriends…speak the truth in love and keep current with how you feel.  Remember…”any time that is not spent on love is wasted.”  Torquato Tasso

The Heart Matters

Someone once said, “The heart matters in the matters of the heart.”  If your heart isn’t fully into your man…your best intentions will crumble.  At the heart of every woman is the desire to have an amazing relationship.  We all strive after affection, understanding, and intimacy.  If your heart is out of whack…or backed up on old resentments, unforgiveness or regrets…it won’t be capable of truly connecting with your Boyfriend-Husband! Give yourself a HEART CHECK from time to time.  Stay current with your feelings so that your love can flow freely.  It has been said that “the heart is the center of the  universe.” A wise king once commented, “Guard your heart, for out of it flows the wellspring of life.”  Yes, the heart matters.  Use it, keep it well oiled  and running properly with love, and you will be better equipped to reach the heart of your man!